I think I'm alone now
My children have become so good at ignoring me that I’m starting to question my own existence. I can’t return the favor, however, as I am always aware of their presence. Or absence.
Last week I went to the mall. On a WEDNESDAY. By MYSELF. I felt awkward and kind of like I was breaking the law. The purpose of my visit was all kid-centered (a return and a pick up) but there was not a kid with me and it felt wrong. I mean, for what reason would I, a woman in her very late 40s, be at a mall by herself? Do they even sell things for adult women there?
Turns out they do. Surprise. But even as realized I was not beholden to anyone else’s desires while I strolled through the sea of consumerism, I couldn’t conjure even the beginning of an idea of how I could use the opportunity.
You see, I don’t shop. Not for me, anyway. On the rare occasion I do it’s because I’ve become hyper-fixated on some thing all of the sudden and then I spend hours researching it online until I’ve sussed out whether I really need this thing and can find a good deal (online!) on said thing. A mall cannot help me in that situation. No one can help me in that situation, unfortunately.
At this point in my life, with two teenagers, much of my life is still dictated by things they need. But times, they are a-changin’.
Now that my youngest child can ignore me just as well as my oldest I feel like I’ve crossed a threshold of sorts. I don’t know what’s on the other side but I have a feeling it’s going to be a lot of me dealing with me.
I did make one stop just for me at the mall that day: Starbucks. I mean, I’m not a monster.
